I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that Anon. You can absolutely be SO IN LOVE with a friend on a platonic level. It’s amazing and wonderful. Anyone who says different is wrong.
Hi anon. I don’t see how it wouldn’t be acceptable to just breach the subject, given your relationship to your zucchini. I mean, you guys are quite close, so it wouldn’t be that strange of a request to ask to be part of their life like that. Maybe you could tell this zucchini about how you’ve always wanted to have children, but you’d much rather raise them with a platonic partner. You could mention how close you feel to them that you could see yourself helping to raise a child with them. I think that this partner would consider it if they felt so close to you. I can certainly tell you that it’s possible, though. There’s an ask on aromanticadvice that I think might give you hope on this:
“i live with my best friend. we’ve been best friends for 15 years. i am a sister to her, and i live with her, her fiancee, and her 2 kids. i am a third parental figure to them. my best friend told me that if her fiancee had put up a fuss she would have moved out with me and the kids. so our bond is incredibly strong, and we’re incredibly close.”
Hope that helps and that it lets you know that it’s absolutely possible.#asks
Hi anon. I really think it all depends on how you guys want to label it. I think that because there is some romance involved, the lines get a little blurrier. I would say that you could consider it both at the same time? Like, on your side, you have romantic feelings for them. On their side, they have platonic feelings for you. I guess I would say it honestly depends on how you want other people to view your relationship, if that’s what you’re concerned about. Would you prefer people viewed you as a romantic couple or platonic partners? That might be a helpful guiding question in deciding this for yourself. I would say that this is a question that only you and your partner can decide. Honestly, I’m quite stuck on this.
Followers? Do you have any insight?#asks
Unfortunately, I don’t believe I’ve seen any specific term for that sort of arrangement. Sorry anon. It sure would be a helpful term to have though, huh? Maybe you can be the first to coin a word..?
There isn’t a separate term so far as I am aware. QPRs are diverse and some of them involve sex and some of them do not. Sex doesn’t make a relationship romantic nor does it make it not platonic. So, feel free to continue calling your feelings queerplatonic if that seems to fit.
First of all, I’m so sorry that that happened to you, anon. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. It’s hard to get other people to understand the implications of this kind of “break up”, especially when they didn’t really recognize it before at all. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have any words that would work in this particular situation to help talking about it. Although, it might be helpful if you frame it in terms of a best friend? Like, your zucchini could be viewed by outsiders as “just” your best friend. However, I think generally, people tend to understand the hurt that accompanies that situation of losing a best friend. Maybe people would even understand it if you just said that you lost someone significant to you?#asks
Well, Anon, I think that this is one case where comparing this situation to an analogous one for romantic relationships would be useful.
If you had romantic feelings for someone you would be under no obligation to tell them about your affection. And to say that you were in a romantic relationship with them you would have had to discussed your relationship with them, even if you suspected that they also felt romantically towards you.
Similarly, for a queerplatonic relationship, labelling your relationship is something that can’t be one-sided. You and your partner have to both agree to call your relationship that. Of course, you can feel that someone is important enough for you to consider them a potential partner (partnership requires mutual agreement not just feelings be they one-sided or mutual). You do not have to tell them this. Whether you talk to them about your feelings is a very personal decision that no one else can make for you. (Of course, it’s very nice to hear how important you are to someone so generally, it’s a positive thing to talk about.)
Talking about feelings and the state of your relationship is not an exact, formulaic discussion. It depends on you and the other person just like any other conversation. Maybe you’d feel most comfortable bringing it up casually, maybe you’d want to formally set aside time to talk with the other person, perhaps you might want to write them a letter.
If you decide to tell the other person how you feel and how you may want to be in a queerplatonic relationship with them the only advice I would give beyond making sure that the discussion suits your relationship dynamic is to be clear about what queerplatonic means to you. Queerplatonic is not generally a familiar term for most people and also doesn’t have one single model relationship, queerplatonic relationships are varied and fairly individualised to the particular people in them.
Good luck. I’m very happy for you if you feel that close to someone in your life.